Photo by James Besser on Unsplash

What does my family really know about me, now?

Jamila Medley

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Did you and your family start a text thread during the pandemic? Mine did. Some of us are closer than others — like my mother, her sister, brother, and cousin on the thread. My siblings, adult daughter, my husband, and 2 first cousins, and stepfather are on it too. We’re family, but we’re not all close.

We are family that sees each other during the holidays. I love watching my mom and aunties sing and dance to 1960s Motown during Thanksgiving. They give me room and sing with me a pitchy and yet resounding rendition of Tomorrow from the movie Annie (a childhood favorite of mine) Some see each other more frequently as they live in the same household or close by.

We’re a family who will come through with some money to help someone out when in a bind. An uncle or cousin will knuckle up for you if these streets require it (or, at least that was true when we were living closer to those streets in Brooklyn). As I’ve gotten older, I have found myself gleaning from the wisdom and lived experience of my mother and her sister in particular. I enjoy them.

All to say that I love my biological family. I believe they would be there for me pretty much no matter what. It is also very clear to me that friendship can be a very distinct bond from familial ties. My family is not my friend. Usually that distinction is okay. But…

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Jamila Medley

I write to reflect on & learn how to live more authentically, slowly, & intentionally in a culture that dares you to go against the grain.